Taking Things Personally
Posted: Friday, November 20th, 2009
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
If you plan on taking things personally, you might as well not leave your house in the morning because there are millions and zillions of people in the world and they all have personal opinions and experiences they will project onto you. Shakespeare says that “All the world’s a stage…” and I say that “All the world’s a projection.” You will have a more contented and peaceful life if you mind your business and let other people mind theirs. The only way you can live powerfully is to own your own projections (your opinions, judgments, advice, perspectives) and keep taking them apart to see if they’re true and whether they are working for you or against you.
One of the greatest ways to do that is to use Byron Katie’s four questions from her book, Loving What is. Take any stressful thought (or judgment) and ask yourself:
1) Is it true?
2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3) What happens, how do you react when you believe that thought?
4) Who would you be without that thought?
Take apart your judgments about yourself and about others and you’ll find there’s nothing under there…they are built on sand…they’ll crumble and you’ll find your freedom!
I’d love to hear your thoughts of instances where you have taken something personally or where you’ve chosen not to take things personally and what happened as a result of that!
Therese Kienast
Founder and CEO, Radical Leadership
MCC, CPCC
Today I have definitely taken something personally! I had created an invitation for a family gathering with the intention that this gathering would be something new, exciting and a fun time to gather together. I crafted an invitation that “I thought” welcomed my family to just such a party. When I received feedback that my invite did not deliver that impact, I took it personally and got upset.
Here I am a few hours later, after walking my dog in the crisp winter air, and I am feeling much clearer. I have been asking myself the questions above to peel apart what I thought was absolutely true (thoughts like ‘I was attacked’, ‘My invitation was worded perfectly and everyone else would have loved it’) and I am beginning to take ownership of the part that I played in taking the feedback personally.
I noticed that part of the reason for the harsh feedback was because the invitation I had created did not fit with this person’s vision of the ideal christmas party(a vision she was attached to). And that she had been assuming a few different things that were not true about what I had put on the invite. This resistance coupled with my taking it personally, created a disaster.
I so appreciate having simple guides (such as the one mentioned in this post) that help me get to WHAT IS SO and release toxic energy so that I can create new possibilities. The invite has been completely re-worded with a collaborative effort, and I am looking forward to a fabulous family gathering!
Thank you for the wonderful post!